A Woman’s Love Is Her Envy
Written By: Kimberlyn Griffin
We all have them. Women, I mean. A group of girlfriends we hang out with on the weekends; sorority sisters we share a common bond; female colleagues we socialize with during and after work; childhood friends in which shared memories have carried over from past decades; or, that best friend from college who has known and withheld our most intimate secrets throughout the years.
It’s in our nature to congregate. We identify ourselves by the very women we choose to keep in our circle or remain at a distance. The way in which we wear our hair; dress the part; and partake in similar interests – it is simple to classify what we are like because of who we choose to spend time or develop a relationship with.
We laugh. We gossip. We giggle. We cry together. We lend a listening ear. We give advice even when it may be unwanted. We confide in each other and in return lean to one another for support. We share details about our past experiences that no one, including our man, would know about us. We comfort each other during times of need and in sorrow. We have catfights yet will defend each other’s honor whether the choices we made were “right or wrong”. We meet up for routine lunch dates. We mingle with the finest men in the hottest nightspot in the city. We sing praises, worship and fellowship together at church. We swap stories while sitting next to each other at the nail shop. We go on wild shopping sprees. We talk politics and share juicy news while getting our hair done at the salon. We venture off on exciting excursions to beautiful and fun-filled vacation destinations.
Whether conversing over the telephone or relaxing at each other’s homes, we embrace sisterhood. We celebrate birthdays, marriages, pregnancies and housewarmings. You name it; we are there for one another because we have “love” for each other.
How I “love” my sister aka best friend aka girlfriend is still yet to be defined…..with “envy”. If truth be told there is envy that sets us apart from jealousy. We all know jealousy is a way of exposing who we consider our enemies. In Wikipedia – the definition of Jealousy: is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern and anxiety over an anticipated loss or status of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. In other words, we do not want you to succeed or be happy in life. Jealousy is blatant, deceitful and hateful. However, envy is camouflaged and not meant to intentionally hurt someone we care about. It wants what someone else has. Our girls – the ones who love and support us; they have witnessed our weaknesses. They have come to our rescue when our pockets were empty; our hearts were broken; or, when we have failed in our careers. Yet – when happiness blooms like a plague and suddenly we are on top of the world; the laughter is silenced. The facial expressions are solemn. The words of support and love aren’t there. The hugs and kisses aren’t heartfelt.
What is it about those very ones we love and who love us back that spawn such negative reactions? Why are we guilty of envy ourselves when our girlfriend becomes a homeowner of a gorgeous three-story home that sits on the lake? Why do we wallow in self-pity when our best friend is getting married to the “ideal” man of her dreams? You know the handsome college graduate earning six-figures. They are planning this fabulous wedding and you have been asked to be the “maid of honor”. Why does envy strike when our female counterpart and companion who has worked long, hard and diligently to prove herself in her profession – “unexpectantly” gets that huge promotion? Why do we gripe when our childhood friend invites us out to go shopping and for dinner at one of the nicest restaurants? We hesitantly admit we are “broke” – nevertheless, she willfully volunteers to foot the bill. It’s her treat. And, why does envy make our childless sister absent from fulfilling the meaningful role and granted duties as Godmother of our child.
Although envy may be considered as an expected or immediate reaction to someone else’s fortune…once the initial response blows over we realize how much we value this woman whose in our life. She has been nothing more than a “real” and “trusting” woman in this relationship.
Do we snap out of our egotistical world and regret even appearing unhappy about her deserving of this momentary happiness? Do we instead, become inspired by her progress, success and good fortune – hoping for our season of self-fulfillment?
Envy can be a health motivator to lose weight; go back to school; focus on self-improvement. Or, it can take us down a path of self-destruction that jeopardizes valuable and meaningful relationships with those exact women who elevated us – a reflection of “who we really are.” Yes, a woman’s love is her envy.