S.H.E. is La Femme
Here’s my why……..
3 weeks before my 10th birthday, I lost my mother to a sudden heart attack. As much as people want to give their reasons as to what brought on the heart attack, I know it was from the stresses of being a single mother, and all that she carried on her shoulders. That experience alone cause me as a child to hide my emotions, never let anyone get too close, and to overlook alot of things that people said or did to me. I made up in my little child’s mind that life was too short and it wasn’t worth it. My favorite words and feelings became “whatever!”
I went through many trials, and a whole lot of tribulations with that mindset. While I was thinking I was avoiding the things my mom went through, I was still going through them, just in my own way, I just didn’t know it or understand it at the time. My purpose (La Femme) was conceived on November 18, 1991, the night my mom died, I just carried her for 25 years.
For 25 years, there was something growing on the inside of me that I just didn’t know how to control. I had all the signs of pregnancy and labor, I just couldn’t push her out. Every time I went into labor, I’d dilate to about 7 centimeters, and she crawl back up. I was too afraid this thing might just work out for me, then what? I was too angry about all the things I allowed myself to endure over the years. , I was too disappointed in all the things I coulda, shoulda, wanted to do, that I didn’t. I was too worried about other people’s opinion of me, who I was supposed to be. I was too depressed and in my feelings, to even see past the tears and all my emotions. So many of you are here right now. You have been waiting to give birth, but you just don’t know how.
God showed me a long time ago who I was, I just didn’t trust him enough to be her. Instead I consumed my myself with having the family I never had, at all cost. I fell in love with a man that I was never even supposed to be with. I know the very first moment we decided to “be friends”, that it was not supposed to be. You see God spoke to me ALL the time, I just wasn’t ready to listen. I wanted to do things my way, or shall I say the way I thought things had to go to have the family I so desperately desired.
I did things I knew was wrong, but I did them anyway. I went through things not even my best friend knew of, because I wanted a family. I cried tears, I should have never cried. I endured pain God never meant for me to feel, but I needed to make sure I kept my family. Along the way, I gave up on me. I lost the woman God created me to be, and became the woman the word said I should be. I lived that life far too long. God gave me a way out, but fear held me back. I took on the SMS (Single Mom Sydrome) Mindset, before I even became a single mom. I believed every lie the enemy told me as to why I needed that family, why I couldn’t do it on my own, why living under pressure was better than living alone. I believed every lie that the devil told me that I wasn’t worthy enough, why I wasn’t good enough, and why I needed the support of a man that I never even really had.
God made me choose me! He allowed the consequences of my actions and the actions of the world to make me decide that I was enough, I was worthy, I could do it on my own, and why I was NEVER alone.
While it took me longer than it should have or longer than I want to admit I let it, I don’t want that for you. I want you to take God for his word that he is the ALMIGHTY! He has ALL POWER in his hands! He is WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES! Allow him to CARRY all your burdens! Allow him to TURN it around! Allow him to BE your sole PROVIDER! These are all the things Jesus died for us to have! All you have to do is BELIEVE!
I’m here to help you see your worth. I’m here to help you shift from “I Can’t!” to “I Can!” I’m here to help you be “The Woman” God created you to be. I’m here to help you tap into the “S.H.E” that has ALWAYS been inside of you. I’m here to help you get back on your feet. I’m here to help you stay on your feet. I’m here to S.T.A.N.D. with you!